In the past days since Victoria and NSW eased many of the COVID-19 restrictions, there have been many news stories of people being reunited after a long sepration. People being able to move across regions within a State, across borders and even from international locations.
Separations are hard, particularly if the circumstances have not been one of choice. For many of the stories shown, people made no deliberate decision to be apart from family, friends, colleagues, team mates, etc. Stuff happened! Events through any plans out the window.
Separation can also be the outcome or consequence of another decision. We may choose to take a job in another location, not thinking that the consequence of this is being in a state of separation.
My experience of separation is a mix of cause and effect.
The first time I had a sense of this was when I decided to go back to school to matriculate. I had decided to train as a Deaconess in the Lutheran Church which meant attending the church’s Seminary in Adelaide, a tertiary institution that required a minimum of matriculation to attend. I had been working for two years after leaving school at year 10, so this was a challenge.
My parents did not support my decision. However, it was with the assistance of the Lutheran Women of Victoria that I was able to attend Immanuel College in Adelaide as a boarder to spend a single year to achieve what was otherwise deemed to take two years. I will write my about that year in another article.
The impact of this decision was that I was leaving home, going interstate and being separated from my family for the first time. I knew no-one in Adelaide. I was two-years older than the other students in my year – and had to cope with this without support. Miracle of miracles, I managed to achieve my goal, including just scraping through with German as at that time a foreign language was a pre-requisite for matriculation.
The following year it was another shift – this time to the Seminary and sharing a house with three other women undertaking the same training. Again, not only separated from family, but also from those friends that I had made at Immanuel.
Study completed I was assigned to serve in Canberra. For the first time in my life I was now totally on my own. After sharing a bedroom with my sister as a child, living in a dormitory at Immanuel, sharing a bedroom with two others during my studies at the Seminary, suddenly I was living in a bed-sit in Canberra with all responsibility for my care and well-being on myself.
I truly knew I was separated from my family when the first letter I received from my mother was a list of all the expenses they had incurred in raising me and requesting that I pay them back. The only clear item I remember from the list was my bedspread, an aqua and white chenille single bedspread. I can’t remember whether I ever paid them.
It was in Canberra that I met my future husband. We married and had a child. Life moved on and all the other adjustments of being in a family context were met and a new framework centering my life was formed.
Then came the shock – my husband wanted us to separate. Here it was. No longer was separation just a matter of distance from others, it was a state of being. When people asked about my marriage, I found myself responding, “I’m separated”. ‘Separation’ therefore now defined who I was.
Now a single parent, work was imperative to ensure that I was able to provide Lisa with the best opportunities in life I could. I didn’t realise that this would also involve being separated from her for long periods of time.
In 1984 I was asked to take up a role on a project in Manila, Philippines. Lisa was with me that first year attending the International School and it was a great experience for her. It was, however, necessary for her to return to Adelaide to complete her latter years of secondary school to ensure he acceptance at a university of her choice in the future. While she could do the International Baccalaureate in Manila, at that time the only university in Australia that accepted the IB was Monash in Melbourne.
So, now I was separated from my daughter, and that was to be the state of events for many years.
My employment terminated with Kinhill after nearly twenty years with retrenchment. The firm had been acquired by a US organisation and my role was redundant. To my horror, as part of that process, I was given a Separation Certificate for taxation purposes. Now it was official – I was truly a separated person.
The concept of ‘separation’ has definitely dogged me and has influenced me in many ways. I have had to recognise my separation at various times and adjust to it. In making decisions I have been more aware of the consequences that any separation may bring.
And now, in my 75th year, it is a joy for me to be here in Adelaide, within walking distance (with the aid of my walker!) of Lisa’s home and not having any sense of separation from what matters in my life.
Is it any wonder, therefore, that the text from Scripture that means the most to me (and is my chosen funeral text) is Romans 8:38 cf:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Faye Schmidt's Thoughts 